Awhile back I wrote about fear from a place of thinking about it. Fear is so much easier to deal with and think about when you’re not feeling it! Today I’m writing about living fear to faith. Yesterday I had banking to do and just way too much went wrong. I won’t rehash the details since doing so only brings up emotions that are best not manufactured.
We manufacture emotions all the time. If you bring up any memory, the emotions that went along with it will show up too. If I told you the blow by blow of what happened yesterday, I’d be reliving my emotions and may also be bringing up emotions for you as well. Telling a traumatic story once with someone who is trustworthy and will listen and witness is a huge step in letting the feelings go. Telling it over and over again simply creates a grove in your brain for those traumatic emotions. It’s like putting them on fast track.
This morning I found myself reliving the story in my head and feeling the anger. Then I realised that underneath the anger is fear. Once I did, I allowed myself to feel the anger as a sickness in my stomach. Sometimes fear shows up in my body in other ways. Today it showed up in my stomach. Then I asked myself “what exactly am I fearful about?”
As I’ve shared in other posts, I’m in the process of possibly buying a home. I won a lottery for a county program which gives me an interest free downpayment. I’ve found a place and am putting an offer on it. I’ve alternated between trusting the process and scared that I won’t have enough money. My fear is really about fear of failure; fear that I’ll get in over my head in debt and not be able to handle it.
As a child I was told that I couldn’t handle money. For the past eight years, I’ve worked to change this message. Embedded in that message are a couple of strong beliefs. First is the belief that “I” am alone and totally in charge of handling or not handling money. If I do so, it’s normal. If I don’t, it’s a set up for shame and blame. It’s another belief in duality and a variation on the rugged individual that is very prevalent in the United States. The second belief is that money has to be handled as it is limited. The belief is that an individual has to use his/her will to ensure that she/he has enough of a limited resource.
Yesterday, while I wasn’t yet able to identify what was going on for me, I was aware enough to know, after challenge after challenge showed up, that my energy wasn’t helping the situation. I went home and baked a carrot cake and cleaned my house. When I’m in a place of knowing that the universe if for me, not against me (and the universe includes banks), then my transactions will resolve positively. In the meantime, several things have happened – and things I’ve paid attention to – that confirm that the universe is for me and that confirm that the abundance is the nature of the universe.
I’m not suggesting that my fear created the bank situation. I’m not that powerful! What I do know is that attempting to resolve it while I was in fear, and had a definite edge in my voice, created a situation that made it harder for the service people on the phone to find a viable solution.
Today I went back to the bank with a different attitude and mindset. At least one of the issues I was having the other day was no longer a problem. My transaction went smoothly and so did my peace of mind.
Every day I’m grateful for the teachings of Ernest Holmes and the Science of Mind. As I continue to grow and learn, my life just keeps getting better.
If you would like to know more about how to move from fear to faith, please contact me.